When I was a little girl, I would save all of the handmade valentines cards from cute boys in my class and put them in a special box. (I didn’t know back then that their Moms were really the ones who made the cards!) I would turn them sideways and wedge them in the corner, right beside all of my arrow heads, feathers, and my swiss army knife.
My box was full of two things. Adventure and love, or at least the kind of love you know when you’re in third grade. I wanted to be wild and I wanted to be sought after, pursued.
Oh, if only we could all grow up knowing that God pursues us with a wild and passionate love. I learned later in life that His passionate love answered every question that my heart ever asked.
One of His most wonderful gifts came in the form of a red headed guy who made me laugh until my sides hurt and promised to love me forever. I married him with stars in my eyes, determined never to give up on our love.
What I’ve learned since then is that love is worth the fight. In our marriage, my husband and I never say the word divorce. It isn’t an option or a thing we threaten with when words get heavy and emotions run high.
Because we made a promise. And I do promise, to love him when it’s easy and when it’s hard. In sickness and in health. When we have extra money and when we don’t. When we are successful and when we fail. When things are frustrating. When I just want to quit. When everyone else seems to have a perfect marriage and we can’t stop fighting.
You see, dear one, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. There is only perfect love that casts out fear. Fear causes us to run and hide, to opt out when things get hard, to turn and walk away.
A friend told me once, months before I walked down the aisle, that the closer we each got to God, the closer we would get to each other. She drew a triangle on scratch paper and put a dot at each bottom corner. This is where you start off, she said. She drew a circle at the top, “and this is where you want to go. Closer to God and closer together.”
This week, the world will buy billions of dollars worth of flowers and chocolate and gifts. I think it’s wonderful to celebrate love, but do it with a wild passion to never give up, to stand and fight, to say no to divorce, to let your marriage and your love stand out in this generation. Make your marriage something to be proud of, something that honors God in public and behind closed doors. Aim for your relationship with your spouse to be the most successful area of your life. In the simple and wise words my friend shared with me, grow closer to God and closer together.
This Valentine’s day, renew your vows, whatever that looks like for you. Say them to each other or maybe don’t say them at all. Write them in your journal and pray the words over your marriage. Resolve to be led by love and not by fear. Fight for one another and fight for true love, as wild and as passionate as the One who created it.
“God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.”
1 John 4:17-18 The Message
With messy hair and wild grace,
Ellyn
