30 things you know after your first year in Peru

1. You have been fussed at for not dressing warm enough more times than you can count, even when it’s 80 degrees outside.

2. You have been fussed at twice that many times for not dressing your babies warm enough.

3. Babies and pregnant women must ALWAYS wear socks. No exceptions.

4. You have a VPN and you love it so much.

5. You can always pay 1 dollar to see a movie on DVD in the comfort of your living room while all of your friends in the states are paying 11 dollars to see the same movie in the theater.

6. You know about “tu” and “usted” and are figuring out how to use each of the tenses appropriately.

7. You are totally used to people asking you personal questions like where you are from, why you are here, how much money you pay for your house, clothes, etc.

8. You know about Wong. You know about the delicacies that can be found there, such as yellow cake mix and regular cheese.

9. You know about immigration. And you avoid it like the plague.

10. It doesn’t freak you out anymore to see chicken hearts, livers, and feet in your food. You also have secret ways to take these things out and hide them/throw them away without your host noticing.

11. You are no longer afraid or surprised when people swerve into your lane in traffic, pass you on the wrong side of the road, or cut you off in traffic.

12. You are no longer surprised when people take pictures of you or ask to have their picture taken with you.

13. You eat at restaurants like Chili’s, KFC, and McDonalds even though you would hardly ever eat there in the states, because IT’S ALMOST LIKE BEING IN THE STATES!

14. You celebrate when you find real ketchup in a restaurant and not that weird runny kind.

15. You know what aji is.

16. You know what pollo a la brasa is.

17. You understand the sad look that crosses other expat’s faces when talking about birthday cakes or cheesecake.

18. You know what a carnet is and you envy anyone who has one.

19. You understand what Chevere, Vacan, and Piola mean and you try to use them to show off your Peruvian language skills.

20. You may or may not frequently say strange things in English. Like asking “no?” at the end of each sentence. For example, you may say “This is a really cool shirt, no? I think the new bus is really awful, no?”

21. You have learned how to make things from scratch, like pancakes and brownies.

22. You have gone to great lengths to make a traditional Thanksgiving or Christmas meal.

23. You have gone to great lengths to find pants that fit you. And you have paid more. And you are not ashamed.

24. When someone asks you for money, you can immediately tell if they are sincere or a professional scammer and you no longer get scammed.

25. The Red and Green light system at the airport. Sigh.

26. When you invite people over, or have meetings with people, you know to tell them to be there one hour earlier than necessary so that they will show up “on time”

27. You know that there is no such thing as “on time”

28. You carry toilet paper in your purse or backpack or pocket at all times.

29. You aren’t even surprised anymore when the bathroom doesn’t have toilet paper or a toilet seat.

30. You understand what Gringa and Gringo mean. And you have gone through denial, acceptance, and are just beginning to OWN IT.

xoxo,

A Gringa mama living in Lima, Peru.