A letter to Jubilee.

I’m listening to the rain fall outside of the window and watching the curve of your face while you sleep. Your little chest rises and falls with each breath and my heart aches with how much I love you.

These 4 months of your life have truly been the best 4 months of mine.

Since you were born, my heart has been raw, cracked wide and exposed.

My eyes brim with tears from so many emotions, so much gratitude.

It’s as if time completely stopped when you came into my life and all I can do is memorize you. You woke up this morning and stared into my eyes and gave me a big beautiful smile and there is no greater joy than snuggling up with you and taking in all of those sweet baby smiles.

You are so tiny, but I can already see your light shining. You are funny just like your daddy, always making us laugh. You are sweet and completely lovely in every way. You are God’s most precious gift to me. I never imagined that having a daughter would feel like this. This deep. This strong. Sometimes my heart is completely wild with all of this love.

I sit up while everyone else is sleeping and I think about so many things. About the role I play in your life and all of the things that I want to teach you. And right at the moment when it gets completely overwhelming I realize that it all comes down to one simple thing. Love. If I never do anything else, I want to teach you about love. Real love. That will be my greatest goal, my most special accomplishment in this life, to love you well, and to teach you about love.

Love is patient. Patient even when it isn’t easy.

Love is kind. Even when kindness isn’t deserved or earned, because love doesn’t come at a price.

You see, my sweet Jubilee, love is special.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love has been so misrepresented in this world. There are so many women on the streets that have a man behind them who “loves” them and sends them out to make money for him. There are so many girls who give their bodies to boys who profess to love them enough to take what they give. There are so many people who love only themselves, causing a wake of hurt for everyone around them. And so I pray, God, please forgive us for how we have construed the vision of love. Forgive us for taking something so precious and using it to hurt.

Forgive us for forgetting that it is simple. The gospel is for the little children. It is easy to understand. Jesus loves us so much. His love is what gives us life and breath and being. His love is for every single person.

If I can do anything in this life, I want to love you well, and teach you about that kind of love.

I am learning that being a mom is so special. There are so many things that go unseen. Like rocking you back to sleep when no one else is awake besides the two of us. Like being spit up on all the time and not even caring at all because you are so precious. Like holding you close to my chest when you cry and singing to you special songs that only the two of us know about. These little moments. These little whispers. My love for you seems so full, so grand, and yet it is only a tiny reflection of God. Of His love for you. For me.

This life is really quite beautiful, the purpose of it all is so incredibly simple and so deeply moving. It is to love and be loved. By one another and by the One who created us, the designer of the solar systems and the painter of the pigments in your pretty eyes.

I am forever thankful that He blessed me with you.