Our stories, re-written.

There was a time when I struggled with memories. There are some memories that you don’t want to remember for the pain they cause. But I have realized that every memory and every moment in our lives has purpose and can be transformed into beauty. And so I count the painful memories with the beautiful ones, because this life really is all beautiful, a great prism of blessing. 

We have 5 more days left in the United States. 

I am sitting in the middle of our empty room, memories all packed into boxes. Everything that we want to save, all of the treasures, it all fits into just a few boxes. I sort through the memories and let myself look back. Reflecting on the past is healing. 

I have always saved everything. I am a collector of moments, of snapshots and handwritten notes. I pack away the pictures, resting in the memories and looking at who I was. I watch myself go from a child to a young girl to a woman. I watch myself go from innocent to broken, from broken to renewed. 

I remember the first time I heard God’s voice, walking barefooted by the river. He called me to himself and I answered. He re-wrote my story, calling beauty to rise from the ashes of my life. It was a dizzying time, a season of life where I would lay for hours staring up at the stars, or read the prophet Isaiah late into the night. There was a thirst in my heart to know God and the realization that it was possible. It is possible to really know Him, the star-breather, the life-giver. 

I remember when He told me to go back to college and He provided the scholarships. I remember going to my classes and having the deepest passion to learn. And then I remember the way he put people in my life that would become my dearest friends, encouraging me and leading me toward God himself. I remember my first night at Chi Alpha and singing praise songs at the top of my lungs, surrounded by so many students, all wild eyed and hungry for Jesus. I had no idea that anything like that even existed until that moment. I remember going to house church on Mike Ann Drive and meeting some of the most incredible people with the most extraordinary dreams. Life became so full, brimming with possibility and love and hope. We would stay for hours and hours, praying and singing and studying God’s word by candle light. I remember the scripture painted on the walls and how it was all so contagious. 

I remember my first trip to Peru and how I knew as soon as I got there that God was calling me to learn Spanish. I heard his voice and I changed my major and never looked back. It became a pattern, God would talk to me and I would listen for his voice. I came to know his voice, his word, his touch. 

I remember the day he spoke to me and told me to be a missionary. And I remember how terrifying and how exciting it was. I told him yes and never looked back. 

I remember the night I fell in love with Chris and how God’s voice was so clear in my heart. It was the pattern of his love, the ebb and flow of his voice in my soul. 

I remember the day I signed up to go to Spain to study abroad and how God provided all of the money and he made a way for me to go. And then 3 months later I cried as Chris slipped a ring on my finger on a sunny day in Paris. My tears were joyful because it was all God’s plan. It was his amazing, incredible plan. I could have never imagined that my life would be anything like this. 

If  I have learned anything, it is that God is close. He is so close. Closer than our skin or the beat of our hearts. He is interested in the most complex and simple details of our lives. His love for us is immeasurable. He is everywhere, waiting to speak to us, calling to us, if we would only stop to listen. And He has a specific purpose and plan for each life, for each person. Over the past 3 years, God has become my best friend, my strongest ally, the lover of my soul, the one who romances me with the flowers and the sunrise and the beauty of creation. The relationship that he wants with us is personal and intimate. He cares about us in the deepest way. 

He makes all things new.

He re-writes our stories, making all of the memories beautiful. 

I stand and tell of the darkest moments of my life, the times of which I am most ashamed, the things that brought me the most pain. I tell a testimony of love. Of God’s love and the way He changed my life forever. He is still changing me. I share my story and you can share yours, the story of His beautiful grace and mercy in your life. 

And so we stand here at the end of a beautiful chapter of life. College was an incredible time of growing, of learning, of becoming. And now it is over and I hold all of these precious memories in my heart. And now we turn the page and let God write the next chapter.

I look at my luggage, wondering how to pack a year into one suitcase. The sun shines through the window of my old room, the one I grew up in, and I thank God for this time that He has given me to go to college, to make such wonderful memories, to live here in the old farm house with my family, and to say our goodbyes. 

In 6 days, a new chapter will begin, and I will be listening for God’s voice every step of the way.