Three years ago in March I met Jesus. I was at the river, walking through the woods and looking at the beauty all around me. I love adventure and more than anything I love to see the world as a child, completely captivated by the beauty of a butterfly or the tiny veins in a leaf and a world full of wonder. I hope I never lose the eyes that see the beauty. That day in March was divine, marked by the creator from the beginning of time. He was there in the beauty, in the quiet, waiting on me in that moment. My life before March had been hard. The kind of hard that builds up to 20 years of pain and 20 years of believing that the beauty had been stolen. And that’s what the enemy does- he teaches us that beauty is never worth the pain.
I didn’t understand myself that day. I was restless and searching and soaking up the beauty all around me. The water trickling slowly, the trees in every shade of green, the crickets singing and the turtles sunbathing on the rocks. As if seeing for the first time, I tried to memorize every part of it, not wanting to forget the beauty. Heartbreaking beauty. It struck me that there could be such beauty in the midst of painful life. For the first time in years I felt my spirit begin to open up and that was when I saw it. Fragile and beautiful, the tiny cocoon clung to the branch of a tree by the river bank and I walked over to it, slowly. My breath caught and His voice flowed through my heart and into my spirit and I knew at once what it was to feel reckless joy. I had never spoken to God that way before but I knew His voice like I know the voice of my mother, of my father.I gently took it from the branch and cradled it in the palm of my hand and I knew that it was for me. Just for me. The creator of the universe gave me an empty cocoon and tears streamed hot down my face as I realized that the creature had emerged from the cocoon transformed and glorious. My mind was reeling as I realized that could be me and that He wanted me to become. In my heart my answer to him was yes. I would become. I would become whatever he wanted me to be. Yes, Jesus, I will. I will give you everything and trust that you will make something beautiful out of me. Tears fell on the riverbank and I held my cocoon treasure in my hand as I made my way back home, memorizing every moment.
After that day, nothing was ever the same. I still have my cocoon and it is still my treasure and a reminder of God’s intimate love for me. Three years later He is still speaking to me every day in the most beautiful ways. I wake up every morning with the eyes that see the beauty. The eyes that have seen the pain. And I have come to realize that the pain has only served to magnify the beauty even more and I give thanks because he has transformed me and I am the thankful one, the lover of the King.
Friday brings a new month and March will be here again and my heart has already begun to celebrate. My soul sings because this is the anniversary of my new life, the life I live with Jesus. This is the month when the Maker of the Heavens pours out his love in vibrant color and all of the Earth sings to Him in response. With this month comes the first day of Spring and the remembrance of my first taste of true love. Everything about this month is sacred and beautiful and I think about His wonderful love and how He pours it out lavishly upon His creation. I think of the 12 months in the year and how each moment of each day he is teaching his children to become. He is romancing the hearts of his beloved in every moment. For me it was March and March will always be magical. But for so many others it is January or April or December and we live together in awe of our Creator and every moment is magical.
Life filled with love is beautiful and divine and I am living in reckless joy, celebrating my God, the star breather, the creator of my heart.
We are the beloved of Christ.
1 Comment
Ellyn, this is so beautiful. I was walking with you, tears welling up in my eyes as they streamed down your face. What a gift that you experienced and thank you for sharing it so beautifully!