My belly is moving. All the time. Throughout the entire day I have a constant reminder of God’s love and kindess moving all round inside of me! I’ve heard people talk about this feeling before, but never completely understood until now. There is this beautiful connection between us, mother and daughter, something that is so completely special. Something so completely miraculous. I am 26 weeks pregnant now.
For me, pregnancy is an insight into God’s personality, into His heart. He has trusted us with a precious little soul, his very own creation, and she is a treasure that we will always cherish. Jubilee Luna, because Jubilee means praise and because Luna is the word for moon in Spanish and I love how the moon reflects the sun and how we reflect the Son. I feel tiny motions inside of me, and this week she is opening her eyelids for the first time and she reacts to light and noise. When I push on my belly she pushes back and we have this communion, precious and sacred. Oh, being a mother. I cannot even describe the love.
It reminds me of why I am here, across the ocean.
I am far away from everyone I have ever known and loved, in a strange place with strange customs.
It would be easy to run away, to go home, to listen to the longing in my heart for my family. (Especially you, sister Sam)
But then I remember why I am here, when I think about my love for Jubilee and how she is my treasure.
Because there are so many children here who have never been told that they are precious.
Who have never been held and loved.
Who have never felt the pure love and protection of a father or the gentle nurturing of a mother’s touch.
There are so many who are lonely and alone and afraid and hungry.
It’s easy to feel like just another drop in the ocean here, in this huge city with so much need all around, but then I think about how much I love the tiny daughter growing inside of me, and how much more God loves her, and how much more He loves us, and I remember.
I am here because He has called me to be His hands and feet.
To spread love to the nations.
To hold the ones who have never been held.
To show them His deep, strong love.
The love of a father, which I am just beginning to understand the meaning of.
I could be home now, drinking coffee on my grandma’s porch and spending the afternoon under the shade of the oak trees.
But instead I am here. Despite how crazy it feels to be thousands of miles from my mom and 26 weeks pregnant. Despite all of the doubts and fears, I am here. Because there are children who will go to sleep tonight hungry and scared, never knowing love.
Today is the first day of Spring back home, and I awoke this morning to a breathtaking sunrise over the city. Stillness. Beauty. He is here. He is love, and because He is, I am.
My prayer remains the same, God give me the strength, let me be your hands and feet. Your arms and your voice.
To bring love to your children.
“For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.”
-John 3:16
